I am starting this blog to document our Journey with Kush.
Kush is our fourth child. He was born on the 21st of February, was a full term baby was over due by about a 10 days.
My name is Vivek and I am his father and am writing this blog to capture my trials and tribulations along the journey. Earlier in his pregnancy the calculated due date was 11th of February. I was so hoping that he be born on the Valentines day and be a normal baby like the other kids.
My great grandfather was an American the famous Satyanand Stokes who had come to India in the early 1900’s as a Missionary to save the ignorant world by converting them to Christianity, however he had ended up staying in India and himself converting to Hinduism. I say this as somewhere deep in my heart I was somehow hoping that this little bundle of Joy have blond hair and blue eyes. This was not to be. I had been secretly desiring this (american looks) for all of our previous kids as well. He was destined to look as ugly, or if I push it, I might say just as cute as me.
The birth process was a little quicker than normal, I must also add that everything leading up to the birth process was very normal, in fact the midwives were quiet confident that this being Monika’s fourth pregnancy and with no family history of any alarming issues and with three normal (noisy fussy annoying fighting screaming) kids, they did not see any causes for concern at all. We were in the public system and did whatever tests were advised of us.
I know specifically the 12 week Nuchul Translucency scan, as we couldn’t get the bookings in the Public system, we took an appointment in a private facility and paid like 300 $ for a scan, whereas in the public hospitals with the other three kids we were able to get the same test in less than a hundred dollars. We did get a DVD of the scan that we have never seen since.
We had such wonderful experience in the first birth with Aadi, that we could’nt really understand why would anyone need to go for a private birthing. To tell you the truth, maybe for the first birth, we were not rich enough to be able to afford private health Insurance. But despite even that i mean our birthing experience at the Westmead Children’s hospital was really so good that we really felt very lucky to be in this wonderful country with such kind and considerate doctors and nurses throughout our pregnancy, that it was almost as if we were being treated like important people. We almost felt as if we were doing the country a favour by going through the wonderful journey of becoming a parent. It was a nice little surprise that after the baby, the extra 20 dollars were coming in from the government that paid for the occasional box of nappies.
Mind you I was working two jobs at the time I got the news that Monika was pregnant. I still so clearly remember that day, possibly a Saturday or a Sunday I had done the 4 hours of my security run from Parramatta to Auburn and back to the few buildings in Parramatta and then Back in our little two bedroom apartment on Wigram street Harris Park, where I was ready to put up my shoes for a quick break, before I started my routine of patrolling the buildings again in the SNP Security’s Hyundai Gets if we got lucky, or the Proton hatchback.
That’s when Monika broke the news that she was going to be a mum, that was possibly the single most memorable moment in my life. I was elated to hear the news but also taken aback by the magnitude of the change in out lives from then on. I consider myself normally emotionally to be a very cold person who is normally very indifferent to emotional stimulation. I remember that maybe here was a spring of happiness bursting inside me, and then at the same time and a ton of anxiety, would this baby be ok, normal, healthy, and a ton of other questions, but I shrugged off a cool thank you to Monika and a quick congratulations.
Let me explain to myself my journey till the birth of my first son.
I was born in India to an Mother who was a Doctor and a Father who was an Engineer and a commissioned officer in the Indian Army corps of Engineers, I have hazy memories of my early childhood years a few things that come to mind. My earliest memory is of the one day that I was off to Gurukul near Chandimandir, I must have been 2 – 3 years then.
For some reason I do not recollect seeing my mom ever, except this one time that I have memories of being in this hospital, the things I can remember are that the car was parked under a tree and there was this squirrels climbing up and down the trees and i can still see some Bougainvillea flowers near where we were parked. I remember walking through a long hall way that was painted very clean and had rooms on either sides, I remember mom was on a bed with tubes up her nose lying on a very clean room, and can almost see her smile softly at me, I must have been there may be two minutes and the next thing I remember was running down the corridors with I don’t know who, maybe my sister could be someone else, who knew a room where there were pure white Rabbits in a cage. the rabbits had red eyes and I can remember that we could poke our fingers through the cages and could feel their soft furs. I think that day is saved in my memory as a happy day. Looking back in hindsight that was possibly when my little world was falling apart. My mother was dying on the Hospital bed with Cancer. And this innocent little boy was so excited by the sights of the squirrels climbing up and down the trees and the cute soft bunny rabbits in this wonderful hospital. I was born in Dec 1976 and as far as I can vaguely remember my mother passed away sometime before 1980, about August -September 1979, I was less than three years old then,
There have been times I have missed my mom terribly. Not that many of them, but there have been times. And I can never seem to remember a time where I was being cuddled up closely by her or for that reason by any person. In fact I cannot seem to remember any of my memories from the times of my toddlerhood. I have been told by my dad that I spent a lot of time in the back of our Standard Companion station wagon. I cant seem to remember any of them. I do not remember having any memories of seeing or knowing that my mom had passed away, or of any funerals or of any mournings. I just seem to have a blank in my head. Sometimes I so wish I could remember what it had been like in my first two or three years of my life.
One memory very clearly have is that one day in the Chandimandir Cantonment we had for some reason gone to the house of Kanta Aunty, I can remember there were these two elder boys there and the three or four of us ran out of their house and climbed into this army vehicle that was a Nissan 1Ton. The elder of the boys planted himself on the drivers seat and took out the ignition key from the sunvisor flap and put it in the ignition key. I was dumbstruck and asked him how he knew where the key was kept and he matter of factly told me that all army drivers always kept their keys there. I think he cranked the ignition, the vehicle was in gear and rolled a bit and we had adrealine pumping through my tiny body and we jumped out of the truck and ran off. this is a 3 minute clip I have burnt in my head.
I can also vaguely remember that i used to with somebody in the evenings walk around our house and up the embankment of the Railway over bridge and would put small granite rocks on the train track and see the train drive over the rocks and crush them into powder. We used to be standing not further than 3 feet away from rumbling locomotive (most likely a steam) or a diesel. We may have at times put coins or soda bottle caps on the track and see them flattened to disks.
Could this be happening to Kush as well, Could it be that for some reason he is not destined to remember any of his early childhood as well and so he is going to turn out fine just like me (if I am what you would say is fine). I really hope and pray that he does end up being a normal child.